I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
