Texts From Last Night

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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  um, yeah. i think it is.

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  (252): is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"? (513): um, yeah. i think it is. http://tfl.nu/omaw
  Replies (12) Good night (2487) Bad night (798)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

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  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (748) Bad night (7367)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober

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  (704): I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober http://tfl.nu/te1z
  Replies (29) Good night (3433) Bad night (724)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

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  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (43) Good night (6930) Bad night (1008)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.

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  (928): I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos. http://tfl.nu/xt2r
  Replies (23) Good night (4287) Bad night (821)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

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  (281): Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together. http://tfl.nu/69iq
  Replies (15) Good night (2852) Bad night (831)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

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  (734): I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady. http://tfl.nu/nlis
  Replies (8) Good night (3929) Bad night (954)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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  (281): that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnq5
  Replies (18) Good night (1857) Bad night (841)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!

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  (+44): He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again! http://tfl.nu/ztd6
  Replies (8) Good night (750) Bad night (1291)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.

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  (203): we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date. http://tfl.nu/dia7
  Replies (9) Good night (761) Bad night (1370)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

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  (541): I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis. http://tfl.nu/x9yx
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (549)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  Sweet, got a date tomorrow night

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  (678): She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet. (1-678): Sweet, got a date tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/04fq
  Replies (3) Good night (477) Bad night (246)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.

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  (571): My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous. (703): Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill. http://tfl.nu/6yt0
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (280)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear

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  (816): Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear http://tfl.nu/9j32
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (596)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH

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  (865): I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH http://tfl.nu/s3s4
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (241)

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