Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage