my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit