Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it