Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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