I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.