It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.