8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
