Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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