I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
