I cockslap morals
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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