she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
