phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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