Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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