FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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