I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
