my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize