when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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