marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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