from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
