do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
