I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
