i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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