Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
