yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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