i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
