Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They have beer where we have blood.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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