my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
