Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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