Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
