have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
