last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
