my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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