i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
