in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
