I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
