actually, I'm a sock model
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
