don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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