We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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