You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
