Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
