Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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