im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
