he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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