somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
