doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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