i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
