Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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