4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
