walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So vagazzling was a success
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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