its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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