TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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