I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
