I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
