Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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