I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
