Buhtt sex?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
