You're completely useless in the revolution.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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