You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
