there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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