I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every concussion has its silver lining
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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