Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
