After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
