I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize