if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
