i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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