Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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