I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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