She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
