y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
