So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
