i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
