Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
