im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
