Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
