Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
