Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
