***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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