YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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