Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
